TurkDom
by MizukoMidori
Summary: A humorous series about the inner wokings of the Turks and how they function together as a team.
1. Default Chapter

Turk-Dom

By Rachel

Turks. ShinRa's mercenary force with the worst reputation. Cold, heartless killers who care nothing for the value of human life. They were of the lowest sort as not self-respecting person would ever take that job.

And so, of course, these were the type of people hired. The drunks, and the criminals, and the killers. For killers are what ShinRa needed. Pawns of the devil, doing it's bidding without question. A Turk was a Turk and nothing else.

So what was the life of a Turk really like?

Author's Note: Yes that was really short. That's just the prologue though . I might expand on that. Also the chapters themselves won't be too long. And the genre is mainly humor, there will be some interludes every now and then that have a more serious nature. I don't think I do humor too well. This will be a kind of on-going pointless series. Hopefully everyone will like it and find it amusing. To let me know if you do, go review. Now. And then for the rest too.


	2. The key Figures in this Operation

Character Introduction.

Tseng: Leader of the Turks. Short-tempered and prone easily to violent anger. Tries to keep his team inline. Stands tall with long raven, and Wutaian features. Suicide and Homicide often cross his mind.

Reno: Boyish and carefree to the extreme he really is the red-headed step-child. He's what the others _affectionately_ refer to as the 'Turk Idiot'. He likes to pull pranks and have fun, often resorting to the bottle or woman. He is however very argumentative, as he is under the impression that he can't be wrong.

Elena: The only female member of the team the others often look down upon her. She has a fiery temper, yet a bubbly personality. Her yellow blonde hair and constant need to spill whatever is on her mind at any moment tends to give her a ditzy air. She often is found arguing, as she is under the impression that she can't be wrong.

Rude: The calmest most rational member of the group, this Mr. Clean knock off prefers to keep his space and silence. His eye color is unknown as a pair of dark sunglasses always obscures it. He is the voice of reason and therefore often fades into the background unless extreme measure calls him into play.


	3. Turk Theme Song

One: Theme Song...

"There they are. All right we're going for the element of surprise here." Tseng told his group.  
  
They had just spotted Strife and the other members of AVALANCHE. The Ancient was attempting to subdue an argument between the Wutaian girl and some stuffed animal. It would be simple this time. Sneak up, Tseng would grab her and run and the other three would take care of Strife and them.  
  
"Tchh Tchh Tchh. Tchh. Tchh. Tchh." Snap! "Tchh. Tchh. Tchh. Tchh. Tchh." Snap! "Dun dun duuuun" Snap! "Tch. Tch. Tch." Snap.  
  
"Reno how many times have I told you not to do that." Tseng hissed.  
  
"What? It's the Turk's Theme song." the red-head replied with a boyish grin  
  
"You are so annoying. We don't have a theme song." Elena shot back. "Why do you think AVALANCHE always knows we're coming? It's because of your stupid song, you sing it and give us away."  
  
"It's not because of my theme song. It's because of _your_ incessant yaking to Rude. You talk way too much Elena. You're the one who always gives us away." Thinking he had it he leaned back against the rock they were hiding behind.  
  
She clenched her fists to keep from punching him. He was always so difficult." It is not me! I wasn't even talking this time. It's you and your stupid theme song!"  
  
"The Turk Theme song is not stupid! It's cool."  
  
"It's lame, and it gives us away."  
  
"Your talking does."  
  
"Theme song"  
  
"Talking."  
  
"Theme song"  
  
"Talking."  
  
"Theme song!"  
  
"Talking!"  
  
"What do you guys think, huh? Is it Reno's obnoxious theme song? Or is it Elena's constant talking." came Cloud's voice from above them. He looked down at the Turks with a smirk on his face.  
  
"I don't know..." Tifa pretended to think about it.  
  
"Hey I actually think the Turk Theme Song is pretty cool" Yuffie said, and began to hum at it.  
  
"See!" Reno shouted pointing at Elena, "It is COOL!"  
  
Tseng considered suicide. It would make things so much easier than dealing with these idiots. It would be so easy. Or maybe homicide. That way he could kill them himself. Just pull out his pistol and shoot them all in the head.  
  
"Dude Tseng you okay. You're gonna give yourself brain damage doin' that."  
  
That red-head would go first.  
  
Cloud and them watched the group of supposed professionals with amusement. The Wutaian leader was banging his head against the rock, and Reno and Elena were trying to stop him. It was a very comical scene.  
  
Rude approached him, his expression hidden behind his glasses. Cloud briefly wondered if he ever took them off. Did he sleep in them or something?  
  
"Excuse my comrades there."  
  
"Hey no problem. Makes our job easier."  
  
"Doesn't make mine easier."  
  
"You know Rude, you should join us. I mean you seem the only competent one out of them. You could just leave them to bumble around and be a hero with us." Tifa offered with a smile.  
  
"Nah. Someone's got to look out for them." Rude shrugged and Cloud swore he saw the twitch of a smile on his face.

A/N: Yey. Now I have the first story part up. This is the part where the Humor begins, hopefully at least. I still don't think I'm too good at humor. --Shrug-- If you click the review box below though, you can tell me whether I am or not. Will update again soon with more random-ness.


	4. Behind the Shades

Two: Behind the Shades…

There was a small office on the twenty-third floor of the Shinra building. It held four desks that were mostly cluttered with papers. One even had papers overflowing onto the floor. It was fairly dark in the room, the only light coming from a dim lamp from one of the desks. The atmosphere suggested that it was late at night, and most employees were gone. The only sound in the room was the whispering of two Turks sitting across from each other over the cleanest desk.

"You have? Okay, when?" Reno inquired, not believing what she had told him. He hardly ever believed her.

"What?" Elena replied.

"When have you seen Rude with his glasses off?"

"I don't know… I just have okay! I mean you can't work with someone the way do and not have seen their eyes."

"Except you can. Seriously Elena, I have known the guy over five years and I have never seen him without his glasses on."

"You had to have!"

"I haven't."

There was a pause in which Elena wrinkled her nose distastefully. Then, "So do you think he's trying to hide something?"

"Reno smirked. Change in subject meant that round went to him. "Hiding? What in Odin's name would he be hiding?"

She shrugged, "I don't know, like a deformity or something."

Reno's face split into a large grin as he imagined their partner with a pair of tiny shriveled up eyes pulled way back in their sockets. He snickered.

They both glanced at Rude who was at the desk next to Elena's. He was fast asleep, leaned back in his chair. Their brains must have been working in sync for the same idea occurred to them at the same time.

"You think…?" she began.

"Maybe…" he smirked.

"Should we…?"

"Taking any bets?"

"Ten gil says he has a wacky eye color."

"All right, Blondie you're on."

They stood up and moved over to their companion. His mouth was hanging open and a small trail of drool made its way down his chin. Light snores issued forth every once in a while. Rude did not move nor give any sign that he might know that they were standing over him.

"Okay," Reno began, "On the count of three you grab his glasses and I'll wake him up.:

"Me!?" Elena hissed. "You grab his glasses!"

"I'm not that stupid!"

"And you think I am!?"

"Yeah, I do. Because you are."

"Whatever. … You're stupid Reno."

He burst out laughing and she clamped a hand over his mouth giving him a warning look, "This is how it's going to work Reno. On the count of three we are _both_ going to take the shades off. And then we are _both_ going to wake him up."

"Yeah fine. Whatever."

"Okay…"

They both leaned over the bald man hand at the ready.

"One…" Elena.

"Two…" Reno.

"Three!" Tseng, "I had to kill three idiots. I work with three idiots. And it was kind of funny because that one guy did remind me of Reno and… … What the fuck are you guys doing here?"

Tseng looked back and forth between the two argumentative Turks. They were staring at him wide-eyed as if they just got caught stealing cookies form grandma's cookie jar. Rude snorted and awoke at all the noise.

"Well lookee there. See Elena, told you Rude would wake up on his own. Well I'll see you all tomorrow. Gotta go out and get plastered, you know." Reno grinned all too cheerily at them and ran out.

Elena quickly took his lead, "Y-Yeah guess he did. Well you know, now I need some sleep. So I should be going now. Bye!" She sprinted after the red-head.

"… …" Rude.

"Did I miss something?" Tseng.

Rude shrugged then winced, "My eyes hurt."

He reached up and pulled of his sunglasses. The last thing Tseng remembered about that night was a bright light filling his vision.

A/N: This probably seems less random and maybe less humorous than my last one. That's because the first one was written on a whim. This one was more thought out. Yeah. So… …. Review kudasai.


End file.
